BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
