Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
