I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
