i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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