Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
