We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
