Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
