im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
