The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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