im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
