We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
