How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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