Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
