I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
