it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
