Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Randomize
