he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
