Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
