Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
