420 ftw
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
