I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
