I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
