There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
