I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
