i think my tv is drunk
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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