Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
