We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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