That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
