I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
