why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
