Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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