I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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