it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
We're too hungover to prance.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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