yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
