Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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