and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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