Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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