I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
