You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
