People in love make me want to vomit
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
