Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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