Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
