I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
