Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize