I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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