do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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