I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
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