it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
