Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
