I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize