At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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