I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
