those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
