forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize