belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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