dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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