Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
