i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
