1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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