I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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