so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
