i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
