so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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