I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize