apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
