If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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