Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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