Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
