Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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