My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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