I hate all girls vehemently.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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