I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
