i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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