Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize