you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
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