fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
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