Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
