U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize