So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
