Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
