You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
