he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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