I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize