and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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