This is not my ceiling
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
