Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
