So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
