how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
