When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
