Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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