omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
