do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
