He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
