Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
