I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
