i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
