"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
