OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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