1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
