saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
