Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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