I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
