i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
