He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
