that's an acceptable place to lick
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
