Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
