that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
