I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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