i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
