dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
