You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
